The materials that I use are...
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Too naive
It is now more than three weeks ago since I returned back "home"...
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
brb
My father has finally lost his fight against cancer. The chemotherapy is set, it incurred no additional action.3 days ago it was his birthday. He has reduced remarkably, it was not to be overlooked. Because of the chemotherapy have been added some diseases ...... but I shall spare you.
However, I must leave the country for several weeks. My father would like to be buried at home (his last will) and with respect to it is to clarify all sorts of - I think in about 3 to 4 weeks I will be back.
However, I must leave the country for several weeks. My father would like to be buried at home (his last will) and with respect to it is to clarify all sorts of - I think in about 3 to 4 weeks I will be back.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Rising
I never had the desire to show my main avatar, but with this creation...
I have no words - just great!
Note: the images reminds me for some reason to a movie - an unique Viking drama "Valhalla Rising" by Nicolas Winding Refn.
Plot::
A man with a remarkable talent for violence must fight to survive when he sets out on an extraordinary journey in this fantasy from director Nicolas Winding Refn. One Eye (Mads Mikkelsen) is the nickname given to a nameless, mute warrior who has become a slave to Barde (Alexander Morton), a wealthy Scotsman who obtained One Eye for his remarkable fighting skills.
One Eye is a fierce warrior but shows little loyalty to his master, and when the opportunity presents itself, One Eye murders Barde and his mercenaries and sets off on his own, with a young boy (Maarten Stevenson) tagging along to speak on his behalf. Eager to leave Denmark behind in favor of freedom and adventure, One Eye throws in his lot with a band of Christian Vikings, who've set out on an ambitious quest to travel to Jerusalem and claim the Holy Land as their own. But the voyage to the Holy City is a difficult one, and the Vikings are met with violent resistance, forcing One Eye to rely on his talents as a warrior to protect himself and his young apprentice. Valhalla Rising received its North American premiere at the 2009 Toronto Film Festival.
Review:
Nicolas Winding Refn's Valhalla Rising does for Norse mythology what Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey did for space exploration. For that reason alone it's bound to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and reviled by viewers in search of some easily digestible entertainment. Those who don't mind a bit of a challenge, however, will savor Refn's methodical, deliberate, and hallucinatory approach to the tale of a mute, one-eyed warrior's slow descent into hell. Broken up into six chapters, the film unfolds at a creeping pace. But it's never boring; with mounting dread, stunning cinematography, sudden blasts of violence, and a mesmerizing score by Peter Kyed and Peter Peter, it's unceasingly intense, and impossible to look away from.
Somewhere in the Scottish highlands, a stoic warrior named One-Eye (Mads Mikkelsen) languishes in a hillside cage. He is a prisoner, held against his will and forced to fight for his own survival. One day, while bathing in the river, he finds an arrowhead, and uses it to escape. After impaling his warden's head on a stake, One-Eye is followed over a hill by a young slave named Are (Maarten Stevenson), who previously tended to him while he was locked up. Eventually, the pair crosses paths with a group of Christian crusaders, and joins them on their journey to Jerusalem. After becoming lost at sea in a dense fog, the weary travelers discover that they have drifted far off-course. Now stranded in a strange land, they are forced to confront their deepest fears while struggling with the discovery that they are not alone.For many movie fans, the mere mention of Vikings or Norse mythology conjures up images of massive armies and epic battles. But Refn and co-screenwriter Roy Jacobsen are interested in deeper issues than humankind's preoccupation with clashing swords, and anyone hoping for an action-packed adventure is best advised to steer far clear of this enigmatic, meditative tale.
Giving the film the look and feel of a particularly stark Hieronymus Bosch painting, cinematographer Morten Søborg masterfully conveys One-Eye's supernatural clairvoyance and externalizes the supporting characters' existential paranoia, negating the need for dialogue through the use of captivating imagery that's steeped in symbolism and subtext. Patient viewers will find it a deeply rewarding, transcendently beautiful experience.(Clocking in at just 90 minutes, Valhalla Rising takes us on a brutal, cerebral journey that's unusually profound for a film of such brevity, effectively proving that a film needn't be forebodingly cumbersome in order to tell a serious-minded, richly textured story. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rov)
Friday, March 25, 2011
What should I say?
Spring is coming - lol.
We say "Everything new brings the May".
Therefore both of my business RL and SL is going well - not many, but regular customers.
Ok, what depends the SL business I dont care much for it, I am happy to see that the ppl like my stuff.
But my RL business is better as last year to the same time and in view of upcoming events (so macabre that sounds) welcome.
Yeah, large and small events determine the life and point you in the next direction. This refers to RL and SL.
So I got a very hard punch in the middle of my face in RL as I got the news that my father has to live only about 3 months... even now when I write about it, it constricts my chest and take my breath away... I will not go into detail this theme.
In SL I got a hard slap in the face too - lol.
Well, in my imagination I would have a completed SL-life ... but he said no.
I was prepared for a no but despite all this, it was a slap in the face and it hurt like hell.
Not that he would be averse to know me - that no - it is the time difference he said.
And I admit he is right... I know very well, me as a sub have to be available.
Damn I would but can not change my timetable and he have no reason to change his daily schedule.
In terms to him few little things happened which are not worth mentioning here and I refer probably only to me. But despite all that, I wonder if it is worth to keep trying to delight his heart - at least from time to time.
The result of both news, I could not even enjoy myself in RL and SL, the eternal thoughts of the two situations made me mad.
So I have packed my days full with activities that I usually did not have time to think. I started again to make more sport, got my old exercise bike out of the cellar and started to jog on the beach every morning. I assorted papers, cleaned completely the basement, made gardening and repairs to the house, oh and cooking almost every day.
The same in the evenings in SL, I gave myself no time to think. Endless building, endless conversations, endless hunts in part to the early morning hours.
After three weeks I was exhausted.... I had to bolted down a gear.
Now after further 3 weeks I take the things easier...
I can not change the facts - not all.
We say "Everything new brings the May".
Therefore both of my business RL and SL is going well - not many, but regular customers.
Ok, what depends the SL business I dont care much for it, I am happy to see that the ppl like my stuff.
But my RL business is better as last year to the same time and in view of upcoming events (so macabre that sounds) welcome.
Yeah, large and small events determine the life and point you in the next direction. This refers to RL and SL.
So I got a very hard punch in the middle of my face in RL as I got the news that my father has to live only about 3 months... even now when I write about it, it constricts my chest and take my breath away... I will not go into detail this theme.
In SL I got a hard slap in the face too - lol.
Well, in my imagination I would have a completed SL-life ... but he said no.
I was prepared for a no but despite all this, it was a slap in the face and it hurt like hell.
Not that he would be averse to know me - that no - it is the time difference he said.
And I admit he is right... I know very well, me as a sub have to be available.
Damn I would but can not change my timetable and he have no reason to change his daily schedule.
In terms to him few little things happened which are not worth mentioning here and I refer probably only to me. But despite all that, I wonder if it is worth to keep trying to delight his heart - at least from time to time.
The result of both news, I could not even enjoy myself in RL and SL, the eternal thoughts of the two situations made me mad.
So I have packed my days full with activities that I usually did not have time to think. I started again to make more sport, got my old exercise bike out of the cellar and started to jog on the beach every morning. I assorted papers, cleaned completely the basement, made gardening and repairs to the house, oh and cooking almost every day.
The same in the evenings in SL, I gave myself no time to think. Endless building, endless conversations, endless hunts in part to the early morning hours.
After three weeks I was exhausted.... I had to bolted down a gear.
Now after further 3 weeks I take the things easier...
I can not change the facts - not all.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Thoughts about "Valentine?"
Well, soon it is Valentine´s Day and yeah no Valentine for me at near and far.
Although... I should seize the advantage of the holiday, to tell him (I mentioned him in an earlier post) that I really have the intention to make him happy. That it would be my pleasure and joy to serve him.
At least in sl.
I am sure (now that I have followed for weeks the group chat) that he will not chase me.
He will hear what I have to say. .. with a warm smile in his face, but strong...
I know that I have no other choice as to tell him, the fact never to know would deform my sl.
Better a no as never to know...
Or how my best friend would say only speaking people can be helped.
He already knows about me and wonders if the (damned) christmas stocking was all - hahaha. Why should a stranger send him Christmas greetings and a gift?
Actually I have also the strange feeling that due to my long wait I have lost all chance.
Ok, some changes in his profile must mean nothing.
Actually for me nothing have changed.
I will ask him on the weekend (or never... lol).
Oh man, what I am talking about?
I have nothing better to do?
Forget it!!! (laughs about myself)
Well, let me go over to a topic that concerns me mainly the last three weeks.
I have been asked by some customers for a landmark to my shop inworld. But unfortunately I had to reply that I am selling my things at the moment only on SL marketplace. This made me really thinking about to open a shop in sl. I mean a complete business on maybe 1/4 sim or bigger. With different activities... group, group gifts, midnight mania and for sure a hunt... and around a beautiful landscape what makes the people to stay and enjoy. This idea does not want me to go out of my head! So I have searched in the web for suggestions. And \o/ I have found something really beauiful.
But what I will not reveal at this point... :-))
Well I know that this is a big project and that it is not possible from today to tomorrow...
I make plans and started to build few things - of course I dont stop with my other builds.
Hmmm and I have to be more socially...
I have to talk with more people and make more friends. I am sure that I need help of the one or the other...
I am no script writer....so.
(I miss Alpha very much).
Although... I should seize the advantage of the holiday, to tell him (I mentioned him in an earlier post) that I really have the intention to make him happy. That it would be my pleasure and joy to serve him.
At least in sl.
I am sure (now that I have followed for weeks the group chat) that he will not chase me.
He will hear what I have to say. .. with a warm smile in his face, but strong...
I know that I have no other choice as to tell him, the fact never to know would deform my sl.
Better a no as never to know...
Or how my best friend would say only speaking people can be helped.
He already knows about me and wonders if the (damned) christmas stocking was all - hahaha. Why should a stranger send him Christmas greetings and a gift?
Actually I have also the strange feeling that due to my long wait I have lost all chance.
Ok, some changes in his profile must mean nothing.
Actually for me nothing have changed.
I will ask him on the weekend (or never... lol).
Oh man, what I am talking about?
I have nothing better to do?
Forget it!!! (laughs about myself)
Well, let me go over to a topic that concerns me mainly the last three weeks.
I have been asked by some customers for a landmark to my shop inworld. But unfortunately I had to reply that I am selling my things at the moment only on SL marketplace. This made me really thinking about to open a shop in sl. I mean a complete business on maybe 1/4 sim or bigger. With different activities... group, group gifts, midnight mania and for sure a hunt... and around a beautiful landscape what makes the people to stay and enjoy. This idea does not want me to go out of my head! So I have searched in the web for suggestions. And \o/ I have found something really beauiful.
But what I will not reveal at this point... :-))
Well I know that this is a big project and that it is not possible from today to tomorrow...
I make plans and started to build few things - of course I dont stop with my other builds.
Hmmm and I have to be more socially...
I have to talk with more people and make more friends. I am sure that I need help of the one or the other...
I am no script writer....so.
(I miss Alpha very much).
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Gengoroh Tagame
Gengoroh Tagameborn, born 3 February 1964, is a Japanese mangaka who specializes in gay BDSM erotic manga, many of which depict graphic violence. The men he depicts are hypermasculine, and tend to be on the bearish side.Born into a family descended from samurai Tagame began his career as a mangaka in 1982, while he was studying graphic design at Tama Art University. His works have been published in several Japanese gay magazines, including Sabu, G-men and SM-Z. Since 1986, he has used the pen-name Gengoroh Tagame, and since 1994 Tagame has lived off the profits of his art and writings. In recent years, Tagame has edited a two volume artbook series about the history of gay erotic art in Japan from the 1950s to the present, Nihon no gei, erotikku āto, Gay Erotic Art in Japan, volumes 1 and 2.
All his works contain "virile males, or youths, and their apprenticeship of physical and mental submission". Works of his include: Jujitsu Kyoshi at B Product; Emono, Shirogane no Hana (3 vol.) and Pride (3 vol.) at G-Project. Naburi mono, ("Laughing stock") serialised in G-Men in 1994, is about the kidnapping of a wrestler who refused a yazuka boss. One of the yazuka falls in love with the wrestler. They go into hiding together and eventually commit joint suicide to preserve their honour.
His manga Gunji (軍次) was translated into French in 2005, followed by Arena in 2006 and Goku in 2009. An artbook of his works has also been published in France by H&O Editions. An exhibition of his works was held in France in May 2009. Tagame is openly gay.
Tagame has been called the most influential creator of gay manga in Japan to date., and "the most talented and most famous author of sado-masochistic gay manga". Most of his work first appeared in gay magazines and usually feature sexual abuse. Tagame's depiction of men as muscular and hairy has been cited as a catalyst for a shift in fashion amongst gay men in 1995, away from the clean-shaven and slender bishonen stereotypes and towards a tendency for masculinity and chubbiness. Tagame's work has been criticised by notable gay manga writer Susumu Hirosegawa as "SM gekijō" (S&M theater) for its violence and lack of complex storylines.
All his works contain "virile males, or youths, and their apprenticeship of physical and mental submission". Works of his include: Jujitsu Kyoshi at B Product; Emono, Shirogane no Hana (3 vol.) and Pride (3 vol.) at G-Project. Naburi mono, ("Laughing stock") serialised in G-Men in 1994, is about the kidnapping of a wrestler who refused a yazuka boss. One of the yazuka falls in love with the wrestler. They go into hiding together and eventually commit joint suicide to preserve their honour.
His manga Gunji (軍次) was translated into French in 2005, followed by Arena in 2006 and Goku in 2009. An artbook of his works has also been published in France by H&O Editions. An exhibition of his works was held in France in May 2009. Tagame is openly gay.
Tagame has been called the most influential creator of gay manga in Japan to date., and "the most talented and most famous author of sado-masochistic gay manga". Most of his work first appeared in gay magazines and usually feature sexual abuse. Tagame's depiction of men as muscular and hairy has been cited as a catalyst for a shift in fashion amongst gay men in 1995, away from the clean-shaven and slender bishonen stereotypes and towards a tendency for masculinity and chubbiness. Tagame's work has been criticised by notable gay manga writer Susumu Hirosegawa as "SM gekijō" (S&M theater) for its violence and lack of complex storylines.
Hello 2011
The year 2011 has surprised me with a flu that I've probably picked up in the New Year's Eve. No wonder, after it had still snowing almost continuously between Christmas and New Year, a friend and me were nearly an hour on foot from the pub to my house (it usually takes about 20 minutes). Of course, with open jackets, because we were really hot from the alcohol. And last but not least, we made several times acquaintance with the snow ... my pants were pretty wet :-) ...we had great fun, were drunk, silly and felt like children.
In any case the many snow this winter has brought closer together the people of this small town, and the people remains to help each other more than before.
So I just opened my shop in the first week of January, by the hour. Ok I admit I was also a bit lazy.
The last snow has melted a week ago and the winter is over...
Last weekend I removed all the Christmas things out of my shop and start now to set up some Valentine decorations.
Yes, and as for my SL, so I spend much time with my best friend. We talk about everything that touches us, depressed, excited ... and she really make me laugh. Sometimes I am not able to type because she makes me laugh so hard.
I enjoy every minute with her.
She is truly a great friend and I would be lost without her in SL.
If my best friend is not online, I am building - yeah and dreaming... haha.
I build everything I personally like and a challenge is for me - at time Valentine´s gifts and decorations.
The music inspired me during my building and so I got also the idea more to take care of the Primbie House blog and to make more as to add pictures of my creation. Currently I am trying to bring SL and RL together in a kind of . That is, I have built few things you can do easily in RL too.
At all it seems that the people like my stuff :-) that is great!
And what depends my dreams I have for SL.... oh they are great...
Just dreams.
With my dear friend Alpha I only have contact via email - but regular :-))
I am very grateful for that.
And my father feels under the circumstances...
In any case the many snow this winter has brought closer together the people of this small town, and the people remains to help each other more than before.
So I just opened my shop in the first week of January, by the hour. Ok I admit I was also a bit lazy.
The last snow has melted a week ago and the winter is over...
Last weekend I removed all the Christmas things out of my shop and start now to set up some Valentine decorations.
Yes, and as for my SL, so I spend much time with my best friend. We talk about everything that touches us, depressed, excited ... and she really make me laugh. Sometimes I am not able to type because she makes me laugh so hard.
I enjoy every minute with her.
She is truly a great friend and I would be lost without her in SL.
If my best friend is not online, I am building - yeah and dreaming... haha.
I build everything I personally like and a challenge is for me - at time Valentine´s gifts and decorations.
The music inspired me during my building and so I got also the idea more to take care of the Primbie House blog and to make more as to add pictures of my creation. Currently I am trying to bring SL and RL together in a kind of . That is, I have built few things you can do easily in RL too.
At all it seems that the people like my stuff :-) that is great!
And what depends my dreams I have for SL.... oh they are great...
Just dreams.
With my dear friend Alpha I only have contact via email - but regular :-))
I am very grateful for that.
And my father feels under the circumstances...
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