☆---☆---☆ 2012

Felix D'Eon

more...

Awesome

Thank you, my holiday was great, but this is not the subject of my post today. 

The reason is an awesome dream I dreamed last night. I do not know what this dream means and frankly I would not even know it ... simple because this dream gives me a liberated and happy feeling. YESSSS!

Are you curious to know what I dreamed? Then read on...

The first part of my dream I was aware of because I have dreamed the same dream about 2 months ago, I just could not remember many details.

I found myself in a sort of cave, very deep, perhaps 200 feet deep. It looked like a kind of mushroom spawn - in the middle of which ran a column from clay or earth-to-ceiling. The entire cave was lined with roots, moss, vines and other plants with little leafs, hanging down and wildly growing.

Well I wandered through this huge cave, through a soft-covered ground like wetland. - in search of him - my hero (who else lol). 

I felt inner stress, hectic, aimlessness, sadness, disorientation...

Many scantily clad men walked past me. They seemed busy, no one cared about my presence. I wished that someone would ask me what I'm looking for and / or offers to help me. For some reason, I did not ask for help.

Suddenly, I realized that perhaps a fashion show took place, but further down in the cave. 

I wanted to know who is the designer of silks that were there presented but instinctively knew it may be just my hero. So I was asking a guy who walked past me, wrapped in white silks. He pointed in one direction with the words "over there". As I turned my head the only thing I could see was a part of red silks, hovering around a corner. I ran after the man with the red silks as fast as I could through some corridors and archways that were hidden by vines but had lost sight of him. 

The following part, I do not remember when I dreamed this dream for the first time, 2 months ago.

I felt despair rising in me and suddenly I saw myself on a wide, well-covered by soft moss, staircase. Up at the other end of the stairs one of my closest SL-friends, Astral, was waiting for me. When I reached him, he hugged me and I began to cry pitifully. He wanted to know what had happened but I was not able to tell him and why I was crying so much. He stroked my hair, spoke well to me and tried to calm myself down. Then when I opened my eyes briefly, I saw a narrow passage that was hidden by creepers. I freed myself from Astral's embrace. I was 100% sure that this was the right way to meet my hero finally. But I came to the surface and suddenly found myself on a road. When I looked around I realized that it was here just plain concrete. I knew that I am in reality, while in the inner part of the world "Second Life" seemed to be.

I knew that here I'll never find my hero and that I must return again somehow. But how, when everything here is hard concrete? Again I was seized with a feeling of despair ... but suddenly I felt the ground shook under my feet and right before my eyes opened a huge crater.

Here the dream ended 2 months ago, I woke up because I was afraid to fall into.

Last night I was not afraid.
I watched as a kind of monster lifted up from the vast crater, formed from earth, clay, stone and moss - accompanied by a loud din like hell. I felt that if the monster has reached the peak of its growth, it will again plunge into the depths. Thereby the crater will be closed again - perhaps irrevocably.

Just before it reached its total height, I turned to the monster and screamed with all my might "take me with you!" I took a run and jumped into the deep. During the jump, I heard me calling: "please do not let myself hit so hard."

Before impact I woke up.

I felt completely dazed and stayed in my bed for a few minutes. I realized that I dreamed the same dream some time ago. I looked at the clock - I had only slept for 2 1/2 hours. 

On the way to the bathroom I remembered my dream in detail and noticed that I have gone a step further this time. I could not hold back my tears.

As I calmed down, I wondered to stay up or go back to bed. I decided to go back to bed, my sleep was not long and also Klaas is in my shop today.

And really, I dreamed a sequel...

I was actually back in the cave. This time I found myself sitting on a sort of bed that was covered with moss what felt pleasant cool against my skin. To my right were two men on the bed, kissing each other full of passion. They looked very beautiful as they kissed. Their well-toned muscular body close together. Shiny tanned skins, both dark hair and mustache. The man who was lying bottom was pretty much my own image, but I was not. The man on top was my hero.

I watched them for a while. I felt no jealousy.

Suddenly my hero ended the kiss and rolled over on his back. Now my hero was lying on my left side while the strange man remained on the right side. Neither of them was angry because of my presence. Then my hero turned to me. He smiled at me happily and said , "you are finally here." And even the strange man seemed happy to see me and smiled at me happy.

I felt an absolute determination to do everything, what my hero wants from me, also to share him with this strange man. It seemed as if my hero could read my mind. He hugged me passionately and I cuddled into him and I wished he would kiss me so passionately as the man to my left. Then he stopped the hug and said something to me I did not understand because he spoke very quietly and quickly, and it was in English. At the end of his statement, he asked me "yes or no?". I answered "yes" on the assumption that he had asked whether I want to stay (lol). He laughed out loud and looked at me with sparkling eyes. He asked me whether I had understood his question and I replied "no, but I thought yes would be the right answer to his question".

Suddenly the other man turned to me. He said with my native language that he likes me and that he know I am a nice guy. He stood up and asked me to follow him. We left my hero and walked  through a tunnel that led into a clearing. I followed him up a small hill, which was limited by a high wall. The wall was covered with long vines with small fleshy leaves and small white flowers. He asked me if I knew this plant and I replied that I had seen this before somewhere. He taught me that it is very good weed and asked me to smoke a joint with him. But I had no interest and said to him that I want to keep a clear mind...

I woke up at 10.06am CET.

I felt happy and free from any worries. And in my overzealousness my first thought was to log into SL to tell my hero about my dream.

I did not - of course.

A. Yil

Makoto Kai

Brent Marr

Dream of You

I have found this lyrics.

Why I post it?

Well, it is exactly what I feel.

I have been here all the time

as far as I know doing right

I have always waited for the moment

that you would come through my door

but this brought loneliness so far

I lay my hand onto my heart

is this the life I want to live

is this the dream I had of you?

Now I am standing here alone

waiting on my own

for something that will fill the emptiness

inside the moment that you mind

but this is loneliness I know

I lay my hand onto my soul

is this what life has got to give

is this the dream I had of you?

(Schiller & Heppner - Dream of You)

Marc DeBauch

see here...

Still

My emotions are in an eternal up and down what depends my hero.
I still try really hard to forget him. In parts it works for me as long as I have something to do.

On Easter weekend, it was the hardest...  I had an inner figtht with myself.
It was a fight about to im my hero for wishing him nice Easter holidays and to let him know that I am still there or not. Also it was a fight between hope and resignation.
In general I dont give up fast....  but on that weekend the resignation has won. I have made ​​me so many thoughts that I ultimately did not dared to im him.
One day later I regretted it...


I enjoy very much being with myself... spending time with things I always wanted to do.
So I have made ​​it my mission to refresh my SL businesses.
First I put the two labels ArsVivendi and LeCock in one location. For that I built a new shop which extends over three floors. I really loved my new shop but after a friend told me that I have built my own prison and I referred his statement to my current situation, I started to dislike my build. Possible he is right. 
However, now I am building on a second shop for the LeCock products. The ArsVivendi products should remain in the prison... I like the contrast of furniture and the cute home accessories to the hard walls and bars of the prison. The LeCock products I will soon present in a Hammam. A bit out of my home  :-)
Also I have learned so many new things what depends building and texturing that I have to update many of the old items. Therefore the switch from the Magic Boxes to Direct Delivery is very welcome to me. Additionally I started to create poses and animations. The poses are easy to create...  the animations are difficult, but both will be a big plus for furniture.
Incidentally I organize my inventory...   what is really funny - a little expedition, a walk through the time... Hey I found a folder named "Avatars". Maybe I should start a series?
However, I am so absorbed in my work,  that I sometimes totally forget my hero for hours.
But also sometimes I am on the best way to im him. Just to make sure if he is well.
That can not be wrong, right?

Nevertheless, I am usually alone but for some reason some guys find me due to the membership in certain groups. I am not sure which point in my profile makes the guys thinking that I am a Dom, but I get the craziest offerings. Thus, I had some strange, few interesting and two sad experiences.
But one of the experiences concerns me until today.
An experience with a Dom I met about two weeks ago, makes me particularly thoughtful. We had some very short conversations, of which I can not claim that this brought us closer in some way. But he announced to me clear that he is looking for a "serious" sub. As I logged in four days ago, the first I got was a tp offer of him. I followed and found myself in a kind of Dungeon. He stood in front of me, naked, taking a shower. I wondered but thought "ok, why not...".
He said I should take off my clothes and join him "just an innocent shower".
I followed his request again curious what comes next. For short time I saw him and me just standing there enjoying the water runing over our shoulders. Then he changed the position and suddenly he knelt in front of me with the words "still innocent just washing your dick with my mouth". He changed the animation before I could say something and I saw me fucking him. On that point I had enough of his innocent shower...
I told him that it seems that he looks more for a fuck buddy as for a serious sub.

He canceled the friendship with the words "hey ... I'm trying here but you NOT ready to give me a chance.   I'll stop bugging you".
Now I ask myself is it me? Maybe I take it too serious?
I mean he wanted to know anything about me, he did not ask me about my limits or anything else.
Well, here I am again at the issue of the prison...

And last but not least as if I have not enough to do, my both best friends are fighting because of what ever...  One muted the other, and the one with whom I share the sim banned her foe from her two parts. I am in the middle of all and no one ask how I feel. 
This made me think to make a break from SL and I planed my yearly vacation.
Four weeks! YAY!!

Ⓔ -Ⓔ -Ⓔ 2012

Cartoon

Here I like to show you some photographs which I turned to cartoon images.

 The idea came to me when I visited a gallery in SL, which presents RL photographs. When I walked through the gallery, I noticed that something was wrong with the general view. I realized that it was the combination of the SL background and the RL photographs what do not matches in my eye.

The photographs are not from the SL gallery.

Awesome results, isn't it?