Again I have made some pictures of me and played a bit with the skysettings - amazing results.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Too naive
It is now more than three weeks ago since I returned back "home"...
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
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