Heart sounds

Well, the truth hurts like hell.
After a bad attemp to "stalk" him - no futher comments - I finally had a conversation with my hero. I mean more than "hello Sir", "hope you are well, Sir"...
The conversation was not long but intensely, at least for me.
He was very understanding but his decision is certain - no partnership with anyone at this point in his life.
Hmmm what patnership?
All what I want is to know more about him. I want to know about his dreams, his desires, his fears....
I want his trust and that he like me a bit. I want to see him happy. I want to make him smile. And sure at least I want to find out if our characters are matching - that is it!
But even the opportunity to work on it, he denied to me.
My friendship is not welcome...  he said I would always pressing for more.
Pressure creates counterpressure...  I would be stupid to press for more as he is willing to give me.
I cannot convince him that it will never becoming like this.
I cried a lot. It still drives tears in my eyes and my heart hurts.

Well, I have to respect his wishes...
So all my efforts were in vain?
Maybe I was not patient enough, maybe not considerate enough?
I really wasted one year like my friend said?

Now I try hard to bann him out of my heart. No thoughts and dreams of him longer...
I disable the group chat when I log in SL, but also noticed that he leaves the group chat one hour earlier than usual. I dont know if he do it because of me or whatever....
I keep myself busy with all kind of stuff.
Well, at time it does not really work for me - haha! - I often find myself thinking about him no matter with what I am busy.

However, in the meantime my dear friend has turned away from me a bit and it seems as if his dreams and hopes in relation to me have been extinguished.
I was also able to celebrate my now 5th Rezzday... 
...and hell I lost a good RL and SL friend (I mentioned him in one of my first posts), the cancer has defeated him.