Friday, February 10, 2012
Get Stuck
Well, SL is really a surprisingly emotional space...
Shortly after my last attempt to tell my hero about my desires, a search for a shop has brought a wonderful man into my life. He is not only a great builder and I have learned a lot from him, but also an excellent entertainer and listener. A man with heart and mind and he has become in a short time one of my best friends. Moreover, through its constant presence, he has managed to forget my hero at times, but he also stopped me from any work that all my projects are stalled.
I have realized it just before Christmas, because on my plan was in the first place a Christmas present for my hero. This was especially important to me because I got the idea of a necklace long time ago and wanted to realize this idea necessarily. And secondly, Christmas presents for the members of my both groups.
But my new friend let me not a minute. It was incredible. Even my request to let me do my job made no big impression on him. Unfortunately it was at this point already too late to say clear that I feel disturbed by him.
I tried to cope with the situation confidently without appearing rude. I encouraged him to deal with all sorts of stuff - lol - build this - build that you know. I even set up a shop for him ... but as said, he is a good builder and all tasks were completed quickly. So I really created in a general state of stress and under high pressure the Christmas gifts in the last minute.
The high light was the handing of the Christmas present to my hero.
The thought of it makes the anger rising in me again. In one chat window my hero, my friend in the other...asked me where I am, what I do and no matter what I do he wants a taxi. I said NO - NOT NOW, but he dont stopped asking like a crazy chick "Tp me..., are you angry with me? Where are you?...".
In addition, I was so much excited (my heartbeat was racing with 180 beats per minute and my hands trembled) - then the feeling of joy, awe, expectation because of my hero... , yea and hope that he likes the necklace, and maybe even me a little.
He said that he noticed his initials on the necklace...
And me? Nothing!!
N O T H I N G ! ! !
But this was my chance, if you understand.
My chance to engage him in conversation.
I scrolled back the conversation about 20 times... or more.
THIS WAS MY CHANCE!! DAMN!!!!!
Gosh, I am sooooo stupid!!!
Yep, we say, "wasted, wasted said the cock" ... looool - hmmm not funny.
Do not get me wrong, I did not want to blame my friend for the fact that I have screwed up the conversation with my hero. I was not focused....
However, recently my dear friend confessed me that he loves me deeply...
This makes the situation even more crazier, my dear friend wants me, but I feel attracted to someone else who does not want me. Great!
The result of all that is I feel after about two stressy month tired, dissatisfied with myself and my work (or what remained to me) and my mind seems to be empty.
While I inspire my friend he takes all my inspiration...
Well, and to top this all my absolutly best friend said to me "do not waste another year..." (meant with my hero). So to speak her good wishes for my year 2012.
Waste? Thank you very much!
That hurts me a lot .... Even if he gives me no chance, I have never wasted time - not one second.
This made me very upset (still) and for about three days I have only spoken to her the bare minimum.
The only thing left to say "New year - new luck"!
But stop... is meant a new chance for the non acquired in the old year or new luck with something new?
Most likely both.
Ok enough - I shut my mouth...
Shortly after my last attempt to tell my hero about my desires, a search for a shop has brought a wonderful man into my life. He is not only a great builder and I have learned a lot from him, but also an excellent entertainer and listener. A man with heart and mind and he has become in a short time one of my best friends. Moreover, through its constant presence, he has managed to forget my hero at times, but he also stopped me from any work that all my projects are stalled.
I have realized it just before Christmas, because on my plan was in the first place a Christmas present for my hero. This was especially important to me because I got the idea of a necklace long time ago and wanted to realize this idea necessarily. And secondly, Christmas presents for the members of my both groups.
But my new friend let me not a minute. It was incredible. Even my request to let me do my job made no big impression on him. Unfortunately it was at this point already too late to say clear that I feel disturbed by him.
I tried to cope with the situation confidently without appearing rude. I encouraged him to deal with all sorts of stuff - lol - build this - build that you know. I even set up a shop for him ... but as said, he is a good builder and all tasks were completed quickly. So I really created in a general state of stress and under high pressure the Christmas gifts in the last minute.
The high light was the handing of the Christmas present to my hero.
The thought of it makes the anger rising in me again. In one chat window my hero, my friend in the other...asked me where I am, what I do and no matter what I do he wants a taxi. I said NO - NOT NOW, but he dont stopped asking like a crazy chick "Tp me..., are you angry with me? Where are you?...".
In addition, I was so much excited (my heartbeat was racing with 180 beats per minute and my hands trembled) - then the feeling of joy, awe, expectation because of my hero... , yea and hope that he likes the necklace, and maybe even me a little.
He said that he noticed his initials on the necklace...
And me? Nothing!!
N O T H I N G ! ! !
But this was my chance, if you understand.
My chance to engage him in conversation.
I scrolled back the conversation about 20 times... or more.
THIS WAS MY CHANCE!! DAMN!!!!!
Gosh, I am sooooo stupid!!!
Yep, we say, "wasted, wasted said the cock" ... looool - hmmm not funny.
Do not get me wrong, I did not want to blame my friend for the fact that I have screwed up the conversation with my hero. I was not focused....
However, recently my dear friend confessed me that he loves me deeply...
This makes the situation even more crazier, my dear friend wants me, but I feel attracted to someone else who does not want me. Great!
The result of all that is I feel after about two stressy month tired, dissatisfied with myself and my work (or what remained to me) and my mind seems to be empty.
While I inspire my friend he takes all my inspiration...
Well, and to top this all my absolutly best friend said to me "do not waste another year..." (meant with my hero). So to speak her good wishes for my year 2012.
Waste? Thank you very much!
That hurts me a lot .... Even if he gives me no chance, I have never wasted time - not one second.
This made me very upset (still) and for about three days I have only spoken to her the bare minimum.
The only thing left to say "New year - new luck"!
But stop... is meant a new chance for the non acquired in the old year or new luck with something new?
Most likely both.
Ok enough - I shut my mouth...
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Again
I wonder if I have nothing better to do than regularly pick up me a slap from him?
Yes I can not help myself... I asked him again - that was a week ago yesterday.
It seemed an opportune time to be (hmmm for me).
I was hopeful to get the chance to make him happy but as expected, the answer was no again :-(
He said at this point in his life, he is better off alone.
That he is busy with all kinds of things, and he do not have time for someone in his life.
But even more that he would not deserve my care and devotion.
Really I wanted to hit my head on the keyboard...
For me he represents safety, strongness.... things that I admire.
Hmmm methinks that he is maybe afrait being hurt...
However I thought I can deal with his no easier because of the numbers of requests - I am already prepared.
But I was wrong, the short conversation with him fills me on one hand with happiness but on other hand it makes me more thoughtful.
Luckily, I have finally found my passion to the right time... at least as far for my creativity.
So since one week I am pritty busy with building on new products for a second business in SL what gives me no time to think.
But at least I could not help it to give him a Halloween gift.
Just to delight his heart a little and to put a little smile on his face.
The fact to know that he have smiled about the gift makes me feel happy.
Yes I can not help myself... I asked him again - that was a week ago yesterday.
It seemed an opportune time to be (hmmm for me).
I was hopeful to get the chance to make him happy but as expected, the answer was no again :-(
He said at this point in his life, he is better off alone.
That he is busy with all kinds of things, and he do not have time for someone in his life.
But even more that he would not deserve my care and devotion.
Really I wanted to hit my head on the keyboard...
For me he represents safety, strongness.... things that I admire.
Hmmm methinks that he is maybe afrait being hurt...
However I thought I can deal with his no easier because of the numbers of requests - I am already prepared.
But I was wrong, the short conversation with him fills me on one hand with happiness but on other hand it makes me more thoughtful.
Luckily, I have finally found my passion to the right time... at least as far for my creativity.
So since one week I am pritty busy with building on new products for a second business in SL what gives me no time to think.
But at least I could not help it to give him a Halloween gift.
Just to delight his heart a little and to put a little smile on his face.
The fact to know that he have smiled about the gift makes me feel happy.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Oh man
I can not believe it but my last post is really 3 months ago...!
So for all those who are interested in what I have done, here a short rewiew of the last 3 months...
Well two days after my second attemp "my hero" changed his profile again and took back the "Personal" tab. With this he finally killed all my dreams. Sure that can have many other reasons but I guess the real reason is what he already said to me.
I take it proud and who knows maybe sometime - bla bla bla - I will ask him again.
I am an optimistic person... lol.
However, after some strange encounters someone has found me. He suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of me while I relaxed in the "Woods of Primal Nature".
An impressive personality full of power. And he has not only a pritty beautiful avatar, but also a good heart.
My heart he owned from the first moments he talked with me and I spent every free minute with him only for listening to him.
It seemed as he was the missing part of me and that he can see into my heart.
Well, what can I say ... everything was perfect with him and after about 2 months I married him in SL (btw. my first marrige in SL). But from the day we are married he totaly changed his mind and he was no longer the man I have met. No day went by with no drama. I am really very understanding of everything but what he presented me was too much even for me. I dont want to list at this point all what happened... for you it is enough to know that the many dramas and events have forced me to cancel the marriage.
However, I am a free man again and happy.
I let my creativity run wild again... trying new things what my business revived. I also rented a shop inworld and finailly created a group for all people who are interested in my products.
I look forwards with my little SL business and the group...
I look forwards with new friends I had found and
hmmm I look forwards with "my hero"...
Yep, I have my eyes on him - bad old habit - lol.
Oh man...
So for all those who are interested in what I have done, here a short rewiew of the last 3 months...
Well two days after my second attemp "my hero" changed his profile again and took back the "Personal" tab. With this he finally killed all my dreams. Sure that can have many other reasons but I guess the real reason is what he already said to me.
I take it proud and who knows maybe sometime - bla bla bla - I will ask him again.
I am an optimistic person... lol.
However, after some strange encounters someone has found me. He suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of me while I relaxed in the "Woods of Primal Nature".
An impressive personality full of power. And he has not only a pritty beautiful avatar, but also a good heart.
My heart he owned from the first moments he talked with me and I spent every free minute with him only for listening to him.
It seemed as he was the missing part of me and that he can see into my heart.
Well, what can I say ... everything was perfect with him and after about 2 months I married him in SL (btw. my first marrige in SL). But from the day we are married he totaly changed his mind and he was no longer the man I have met. No day went by with no drama. I am really very understanding of everything but what he presented me was too much even for me. I dont want to list at this point all what happened... for you it is enough to know that the many dramas and events have forced me to cancel the marriage.
However, I am a free man again and happy.
I let my creativity run wild again... trying new things what my business revived. I also rented a shop inworld and finailly created a group for all people who are interested in my products.
I look forwards with my little SL business and the group...
I look forwards with new friends I had found and
hmmm I look forwards with "my hero"...
Yep, I have my eyes on him - bad old habit - lol.
Oh man...
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Colors
Again I have made some pictures of me and played a bit with the skysettings - amazing results.
Too naive
It is now more than three weeks ago since I returned back "home"...
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
brb
My father has finally lost his fight against cancer. The chemotherapy is set, it incurred no additional action.3 days ago it was his birthday. He has reduced remarkably, it was not to be overlooked. Because of the chemotherapy have been added some diseases ...... but I shall spare you.
However, I must leave the country for several weeks. My father would like to be buried at home (his last will) and with respect to it is to clarify all sorts of - I think in about 3 to 4 weeks I will be back.
However, I must leave the country for several weeks. My father would like to be buried at home (his last will) and with respect to it is to clarify all sorts of - I think in about 3 to 4 weeks I will be back.
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