Friday, May 18, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Dream of You
I have found this lyrics.
Why I post it?
Well, it is exactly what I feel.
I have been here all the time
as far as I know doing right
I have always waited for the moment
that you would come through my door
but this brought loneliness so far
I lay my hand onto my heart
is this the life I want to live
is this the dream I had of you?
Now I am standing here alone
waiting on my own
for something that will fill the emptiness
inside the moment that you mind
but this is loneliness I know
I lay my hand onto my soul
is this what life has got to give
is this the dream I had of you?
(Schiller & Heppner - Dream of You)
Still
My emotions are in an eternal up and down what depends my hero.
I still try really hard to forget him. In parts it works for me as long as I have something to do.
On Easter weekend, it was the hardest... I had an inner figtht with myself.
It was a fight about to im my hero for wishing him nice Easter holidays and to let him know that I am still there or not. Also it was a fight between hope and resignation.
In general I dont give up fast.... but on that weekend the resignation has won. I have made me so many thoughts that I ultimately did not dared to im him.
One day later I regretted it...
I enjoy very much being with myself... spending time with things I always wanted to do.
So I have made it my mission to refresh my SL businesses.
First I put the two labels ArsVivendi and LeCock in one location. For that I built a new shop which extends over three floors. I really loved my new shop but after a friend told me that I have built my own prison and I referred his statement to my current situation, I started to dislike my build. Possible he is right.
However, now I am building on a second shop for the LeCock products. The ArsVivendi products should remain in the prison... I like the contrast of furniture and the cute home accessories to the hard walls and bars of the prison. The LeCock products I will soon present in a Hammam. A bit out of my home :-)
Also I have learned so many new things what depends building and texturing that I have to update many of the old items. Therefore the switch from the Magic Boxes to Direct Delivery is very welcome to me. Additionally I started to create poses and animations. The poses are easy to create... the animations are difficult, but both will be a big plus for furniture.
Incidentally I organize my inventory... what is really funny - a little expedition, a walk through the time... Hey I found a folder named "Avatars". Maybe I should start a series?
However, I am so absorbed in my work, that I sometimes totally forget my hero for hours.
But also sometimes I am on the best way to im him. Just to make sure if he is well.
That can not be wrong, right?
Nevertheless, I am usually alone but for some reason some guys find me due to the membership in certain groups. I am not sure which point in my profile makes the guys thinking that I am a Dom, but I get the craziest offerings. Thus, I had some strange, few interesting and two sad experiences.
But one of the experiences concerns me until today.
An experience with a Dom I met about two weeks ago, makes me particularly thoughtful. We had some very short conversations, of which I can not claim that this brought us closer in some way. But he announced to me clear that he is looking for a "serious" sub. As I logged in four days ago, the first I got was a tp offer of him. I followed and found myself in a kind of Dungeon. He stood in front of me, naked, taking a shower. I wondered but thought "ok, why not...".
He said I should take off my clothes and join him "just an innocent shower".
I followed his request again curious what comes next. For short time I saw him and me just standing there enjoying the water runing over our shoulders. Then he changed the position and suddenly he knelt in front of me with the words "still innocent just washing your dick with my mouth". He changed the animation before I could say something and I saw me fucking him. On that point I had enough of his innocent shower...
I told him that it seems that he looks more for a fuck buddy as for a serious sub.
He canceled the friendship with the words "hey ... I'm trying here but you NOT ready to give me a chance. I'll stop bugging you".
Now I ask myself is it me? Maybe I take it too serious?
I mean he wanted to know anything about me, he did not ask me about my limits or anything else.
Well, here I am again at the issue of the prison...
And last but not least as if I have not enough to do, my both best friends are fighting because of what ever... One muted the other, and the one with whom I share the sim banned her foe from her two parts. I am in the middle of all and no one ask how I feel.
This made me think to make a break from SL and I planed my yearly vacation.
Four weeks! YAY!!
I still try really hard to forget him. In parts it works for me as long as I have something to do.
On Easter weekend, it was the hardest... I had an inner figtht with myself.
It was a fight about to im my hero for wishing him nice Easter holidays and to let him know that I am still there or not. Also it was a fight between hope and resignation.
In general I dont give up fast.... but on that weekend the resignation has won. I have made me so many thoughts that I ultimately did not dared to im him.
One day later I regretted it...
I enjoy very much being with myself... spending time with things I always wanted to do.
So I have made it my mission to refresh my SL businesses.
First I put the two labels ArsVivendi and LeCock in one location. For that I built a new shop which extends over three floors. I really loved my new shop but after a friend told me that I have built my own prison and I referred his statement to my current situation, I started to dislike my build. Possible he is right.
However, now I am building on a second shop for the LeCock products. The ArsVivendi products should remain in the prison... I like the contrast of furniture and the cute home accessories to the hard walls and bars of the prison. The LeCock products I will soon present in a Hammam. A bit out of my home :-)
Also I have learned so many new things what depends building and texturing that I have to update many of the old items. Therefore the switch from the Magic Boxes to Direct Delivery is very welcome to me. Additionally I started to create poses and animations. The poses are easy to create... the animations are difficult, but both will be a big plus for furniture.
Incidentally I organize my inventory... what is really funny - a little expedition, a walk through the time... Hey I found a folder named "Avatars". Maybe I should start a series?
However, I am so absorbed in my work, that I sometimes totally forget my hero for hours.
But also sometimes I am on the best way to im him. Just to make sure if he is well.
That can not be wrong, right?
Nevertheless, I am usually alone but for some reason some guys find me due to the membership in certain groups. I am not sure which point in my profile makes the guys thinking that I am a Dom, but I get the craziest offerings. Thus, I had some strange, few interesting and two sad experiences.
But one of the experiences concerns me until today.
An experience with a Dom I met about two weeks ago, makes me particularly thoughtful. We had some very short conversations, of which I can not claim that this brought us closer in some way. But he announced to me clear that he is looking for a "serious" sub. As I logged in four days ago, the first I got was a tp offer of him. I followed and found myself in a kind of Dungeon. He stood in front of me, naked, taking a shower. I wondered but thought "ok, why not...".
He said I should take off my clothes and join him "just an innocent shower".
I followed his request again curious what comes next. For short time I saw him and me just standing there enjoying the water runing over our shoulders. Then he changed the position and suddenly he knelt in front of me with the words "still innocent just washing your dick with my mouth". He changed the animation before I could say something and I saw me fucking him. On that point I had enough of his innocent shower...
I told him that it seems that he looks more for a fuck buddy as for a serious sub.
He canceled the friendship with the words "hey ... I'm trying here but you NOT ready to give me a chance. I'll stop bugging you".
Now I ask myself is it me? Maybe I take it too serious?
I mean he wanted to know anything about me, he did not ask me about my limits or anything else.
Well, here I am again at the issue of the prison...
And last but not least as if I have not enough to do, my both best friends are fighting because of what ever... One muted the other, and the one with whom I share the sim banned her foe from her two parts. I am in the middle of all and no one ask how I feel.
This made me think to make a break from SL and I planed my yearly vacation.
Four weeks! YAY!!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Cartoon
Here I like to show you some photographs which I turned to cartoon images.
The idea came to me when I visited a gallery in SL, which presents RL photographs. When I walked through the gallery, I noticed that something was wrong with the general view. I realized that it was the combination of the SL background and the RL photographs what do not matches in my eye.
The photographs are not from the SL gallery.
Awesome results, isn't it?
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Heart sounds
Well, the truth hurts like hell.
After a bad attemp to "stalk" him - no futher comments - I finally had a conversation with my hero. I mean more than "hello Sir", "hope you are well, Sir"...
The conversation was not long but intensely, at least for me.
He was very understanding but his decision is certain - no partnership with anyone at this point in his life.
Hmmm what patnership?
All what I want is to know more about him. I want to know about his dreams, his desires, his fears....
I want his trust and that he like me a bit. I want to see him happy. I want to make him smile. And sure at least I want to find out if our characters are matching - that is it!
But even the opportunity to work on it, he denied to me.
My friendship is not welcome... he said I would always pressing for more.
Pressure creates counterpressure... I would be stupid to press for more as he is willing to give me.
I cannot convince him that it will never becoming like this.
I cried a lot. It still drives tears in my eyes and my heart hurts.
Well, I have to respect his wishes...
So all my efforts were in vain?
Maybe I was not patient enough, maybe not considerate enough?
I really wasted one year like my friend said?
Now I try hard to bann him out of my heart. No thoughts and dreams of him longer...
I disable the group chat when I log in SL, but also noticed that he leaves the group chat one hour earlier than usual. I dont know if he do it because of me or whatever....
I keep myself busy with all kind of stuff.
Well, at time it does not really work for me - haha! - I often find myself thinking about him no matter with what I am busy.
However, in the meantime my dear friend has turned away from me a bit and it seems as if his dreams and hopes in relation to me have been extinguished.
I was also able to celebrate my now 5th Rezzday...
...and hell I lost a good RL and SL friend (I mentioned him in one of my first posts), the cancer has defeated him.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
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