Again I have made some pictures of me and played a bit with the skysettings - amazing results.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Too naive
It is now more than three weeks ago since I returned back "home"...
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
My father died at the 1st of May, and though I for more than almost 3 years had to reckon with it every day it hit me really hard and somehow I did not want to realize it right.
While I constantly feel as if he is on vacation and immediately comes through the door my thoughts realize clear that I will see him never again, never hug him and talk to him again. Omg I miss him very much...
In general I am a strong man, have experienced a lot, but this makes me weak and unable. It makes me cry, hurts my heart...
However, I am trying to distract me mainly with sports (in moderation) and cooking. If the weather is good I do gardening, walking on the beach or organize an one-person barbeque - what is really bored - lol.
And of course I have my sl...
Normally I log into SL for relaxing from rl... for meeting my friends, talking, having fun and being creative... but in fact it seems more as I replace rl pain with sl pain.
Yeah you read that right, it is still the old theme, he... this one great guy.
He still attracted my heart like hell and this nagging feeling that he did not give me a try to make him happy drives me nuts.
However few days after my return I rented a larger piece of land with more prims.
And now a secret about me...
I love cake - sweets all kind - cookies, chocolates, candies, ice cream... I always have something like this at home. And for those who dont know, I started to create sweets in SL months ago - I like this little things which are reminiscent of the childhood.
So I got the idea what could be better than to build a cafe´ for all my sweet stuff?
Plus as long as I build and keep the group chat closed I do not think of him, easy I thought.
But during the entire time of my doing I was not able not to think of him. I wondered whether it would please him, whether he likes the landscape, if the background sounds are right all this stuff you know. (It is a farce, I love a man I do not know - lol). That again pushed me more and more to start a second attempt to tell him again about my desires and I wanted also show him that I mean it very seriously and that it is no short-term idea of me.
Yep and last week I did it and again his answer was no. But this time not because of the time difference but because of he have found someone and have no time for a second sub, he said. For a moment I had the feeling my heart would stop beating and I was not able to say anything - a really big disappointment.
Still.
But dispite of everything I like to show him how much he inspires me. I had so often this idea.. since I know he is there... I am sure he will see the beauty of the details created by my heart for him.
I really think about to reach him a notecard and landmark.
Once someone told me I love with the heart of a child.
Perhaps he is right.
Maybe I am too naive.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
brb
My father has finally lost his fight against cancer. The chemotherapy is set, it incurred no additional action.3 days ago it was his birthday. He has reduced remarkably, it was not to be overlooked. Because of the chemotherapy have been added some diseases ...... but I shall spare you.
However, I must leave the country for several weeks. My father would like to be buried at home (his last will) and with respect to it is to clarify all sorts of - I think in about 3 to 4 weeks I will be back.
However, I must leave the country for several weeks. My father would like to be buried at home (his last will) and with respect to it is to clarify all sorts of - I think in about 3 to 4 weeks I will be back.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Rising
I never had the desire to show my main avatar, but with this creation...
I have no words - just great!
Note: the images reminds me for some reason to a movie - an unique Viking drama "Valhalla Rising" by Nicolas Winding Refn.
Plot::
A man with a remarkable talent for violence must fight to survive when he sets out on an extraordinary journey in this fantasy from director Nicolas Winding Refn. One Eye (Mads Mikkelsen) is the nickname given to a nameless, mute warrior who has become a slave to Barde (Alexander Morton), a wealthy Scotsman who obtained One Eye for his remarkable fighting skills.
One Eye is a fierce warrior but shows little loyalty to his master, and when the opportunity presents itself, One Eye murders Barde and his mercenaries and sets off on his own, with a young boy (Maarten Stevenson) tagging along to speak on his behalf. Eager to leave Denmark behind in favor of freedom and adventure, One Eye throws in his lot with a band of Christian Vikings, who've set out on an ambitious quest to travel to Jerusalem and claim the Holy Land as their own. But the voyage to the Holy City is a difficult one, and the Vikings are met with violent resistance, forcing One Eye to rely on his talents as a warrior to protect himself and his young apprentice. Valhalla Rising received its North American premiere at the 2009 Toronto Film Festival.
Review:
Nicolas Winding Refn's Valhalla Rising does for Norse mythology what Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey did for space exploration. For that reason alone it's bound to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and reviled by viewers in search of some easily digestible entertainment. Those who don't mind a bit of a challenge, however, will savor Refn's methodical, deliberate, and hallucinatory approach to the tale of a mute, one-eyed warrior's slow descent into hell. Broken up into six chapters, the film unfolds at a creeping pace. But it's never boring; with mounting dread, stunning cinematography, sudden blasts of violence, and a mesmerizing score by Peter Kyed and Peter Peter, it's unceasingly intense, and impossible to look away from.
Somewhere in the Scottish highlands, a stoic warrior named One-Eye (Mads Mikkelsen) languishes in a hillside cage. He is a prisoner, held against his will and forced to fight for his own survival. One day, while bathing in the river, he finds an arrowhead, and uses it to escape. After impaling his warden's head on a stake, One-Eye is followed over a hill by a young slave named Are (Maarten Stevenson), who previously tended to him while he was locked up. Eventually, the pair crosses paths with a group of Christian crusaders, and joins them on their journey to Jerusalem. After becoming lost at sea in a dense fog, the weary travelers discover that they have drifted far off-course. Now stranded in a strange land, they are forced to confront their deepest fears while struggling with the discovery that they are not alone.For many movie fans, the mere mention of Vikings or Norse mythology conjures up images of massive armies and epic battles. But Refn and co-screenwriter Roy Jacobsen are interested in deeper issues than humankind's preoccupation with clashing swords, and anyone hoping for an action-packed adventure is best advised to steer far clear of this enigmatic, meditative tale.
Giving the film the look and feel of a particularly stark Hieronymus Bosch painting, cinematographer Morten Søborg masterfully conveys One-Eye's supernatural clairvoyance and externalizes the supporting characters' existential paranoia, negating the need for dialogue through the use of captivating imagery that's steeped in symbolism and subtext. Patient viewers will find it a deeply rewarding, transcendently beautiful experience.(Clocking in at just 90 minutes, Valhalla Rising takes us on a brutal, cerebral journey that's unusually profound for a film of such brevity, effectively proving that a film needn't be forebodingly cumbersome in order to tell a serious-minded, richly textured story. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rov)
Friday, March 25, 2011
What should I say?
Spring is coming - lol.
We say "Everything new brings the May".
Therefore both of my business RL and SL is going well - not many, but regular customers.
Ok, what depends the SL business I dont care much for it, I am happy to see that the ppl like my stuff.
But my RL business is better as last year to the same time and in view of upcoming events (so macabre that sounds) welcome.
Yeah, large and small events determine the life and point you in the next direction. This refers to RL and SL.
So I got a very hard punch in the middle of my face in RL as I got the news that my father has to live only about 3 months... even now when I write about it, it constricts my chest and take my breath away... I will not go into detail this theme.
In SL I got a hard slap in the face too - lol.
Well, in my imagination I would have a completed SL-life ... but he said no.
I was prepared for a no but despite all this, it was a slap in the face and it hurt like hell.
Not that he would be averse to know me - that no - it is the time difference he said.
And I admit he is right... I know very well, me as a sub have to be available.
Damn I would but can not change my timetable and he have no reason to change his daily schedule.
In terms to him few little things happened which are not worth mentioning here and I refer probably only to me. But despite all that, I wonder if it is worth to keep trying to delight his heart - at least from time to time.
The result of both news, I could not even enjoy myself in RL and SL, the eternal thoughts of the two situations made me mad.
So I have packed my days full with activities that I usually did not have time to think. I started again to make more sport, got my old exercise bike out of the cellar and started to jog on the beach every morning. I assorted papers, cleaned completely the basement, made gardening and repairs to the house, oh and cooking almost every day.
The same in the evenings in SL, I gave myself no time to think. Endless building, endless conversations, endless hunts in part to the early morning hours.
After three weeks I was exhausted.... I had to bolted down a gear.
Now after further 3 weeks I take the things easier...
I can not change the facts - not all.
We say "Everything new brings the May".
Therefore both of my business RL and SL is going well - not many, but regular customers.
Ok, what depends the SL business I dont care much for it, I am happy to see that the ppl like my stuff.
But my RL business is better as last year to the same time and in view of upcoming events (so macabre that sounds) welcome.
Yeah, large and small events determine the life and point you in the next direction. This refers to RL and SL.
So I got a very hard punch in the middle of my face in RL as I got the news that my father has to live only about 3 months... even now when I write about it, it constricts my chest and take my breath away... I will not go into detail this theme.
In SL I got a hard slap in the face too - lol.
Well, in my imagination I would have a completed SL-life ... but he said no.
I was prepared for a no but despite all this, it was a slap in the face and it hurt like hell.
Not that he would be averse to know me - that no - it is the time difference he said.
And I admit he is right... I know very well, me as a sub have to be available.
Damn I would but can not change my timetable and he have no reason to change his daily schedule.
In terms to him few little things happened which are not worth mentioning here and I refer probably only to me. But despite all that, I wonder if it is worth to keep trying to delight his heart - at least from time to time.
The result of both news, I could not even enjoy myself in RL and SL, the eternal thoughts of the two situations made me mad.
So I have packed my days full with activities that I usually did not have time to think. I started again to make more sport, got my old exercise bike out of the cellar and started to jog on the beach every morning. I assorted papers, cleaned completely the basement, made gardening and repairs to the house, oh and cooking almost every day.
The same in the evenings in SL, I gave myself no time to think. Endless building, endless conversations, endless hunts in part to the early morning hours.
After three weeks I was exhausted.... I had to bolted down a gear.
Now after further 3 weeks I take the things easier...
I can not change the facts - not all.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
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