Saturday, March 24, 2012
Heart sounds
Well, the truth hurts like hell.
After a bad attemp to "stalk" him - no futher comments - I finally had a conversation with my hero. I mean more than "hello Sir", "hope you are well, Sir"...
The conversation was not long but intensely, at least for me.
He was very understanding but his decision is certain - no partnership with anyone at this point in his life.
Hmmm what patnership?
All what I want is to know more about him. I want to know about his dreams, his desires, his fears....
I want his trust and that he like me a bit. I want to see him happy. I want to make him smile. And sure at least I want to find out if our characters are matching - that is it!
But even the opportunity to work on it, he denied to me.
My friendship is not welcome... he said I would always pressing for more.
Pressure creates counterpressure... I would be stupid to press for more as he is willing to give me.
I cannot convince him that it will never becoming like this.
I cried a lot. It still drives tears in my eyes and my heart hurts.
Well, I have to respect his wishes...
So all my efforts were in vain?
Maybe I was not patient enough, maybe not considerate enough?
I really wasted one year like my friend said?
Now I try hard to bann him out of my heart. No thoughts and dreams of him longer...
I disable the group chat when I log in SL, but also noticed that he leaves the group chat one hour earlier than usual. I dont know if he do it because of me or whatever....
I keep myself busy with all kind of stuff.
Well, at time it does not really work for me - haha! - I often find myself thinking about him no matter with what I am busy.
However, in the meantime my dear friend has turned away from me a bit and it seems as if his dreams and hopes in relation to me have been extinguished.
I was also able to celebrate my now 5th Rezzday...
...and hell I lost a good RL and SL friend (I mentioned him in one of my first posts), the cancer has defeated him.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Masterpiece
If you were the Mona Lisa
You'd be hanging in the Louvre
Everyone would come to see you
You'd be impossible to move
It seems to me is what you are
A rare and priceless work of art
Stay behind your velvet rope
But I will not renounce all hope
And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with the masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible
From the moment I first saw you
All the darkness turned to light
An impressionistic painting
Tiny particles of light
It seem to me is what you're like
The "look but please don't touch me" type
And honestly it can't be fun
To always be the chosen one.
And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with a masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible
You'd be hanging in the Louvre
Everyone would come to see you
You'd be impossible to move
It seems to me is what you are
A rare and priceless work of art
Stay behind your velvet rope
But I will not renounce all hope
And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with the masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible
From the moment I first saw you
All the darkness turned to light
An impressionistic painting
Tiny particles of light
It seem to me is what you're like
The "look but please don't touch me" type
And honestly it can't be fun
To always be the chosen one.
And I'm right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of a masterpiece
And I can't tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with a masterpiece
Cause after all
Nothing's indestructible
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Get Stuck
Well, SL is really a surprisingly emotional space...
Shortly after my last attempt to tell my hero about my desires, a search for a shop has brought a wonderful man into my life. He is not only a great builder and I have learned a lot from him, but also an excellent entertainer and listener. A man with heart and mind and he has become in a short time one of my best friends. Moreover, through its constant presence, he has managed to forget my hero at times, but he also stopped me from any work that all my projects are stalled.
I have realized it just before Christmas, because on my plan was in the first place a Christmas present for my hero. This was especially important to me because I got the idea of a necklace long time ago and wanted to realize this idea necessarily. And secondly, Christmas presents for the members of my both groups.
But my new friend let me not a minute. It was incredible. Even my request to let me do my job made no big impression on him. Unfortunately it was at this point already too late to say clear that I feel disturbed by him.
I tried to cope with the situation confidently without appearing rude. I encouraged him to deal with all sorts of stuff - lol - build this - build that you know. I even set up a shop for him ... but as said, he is a good builder and all tasks were completed quickly. So I really created in a general state of stress and under high pressure the Christmas gifts in the last minute.
The high light was the handing of the Christmas present to my hero.
The thought of it makes the anger rising in me again. In one chat window my hero, my friend in the other...asked me where I am, what I do and no matter what I do he wants a taxi. I said NO - NOT NOW, but he dont stopped asking like a crazy chick "Tp me..., are you angry with me? Where are you?...".
In addition, I was so much excited (my heartbeat was racing with 180 beats per minute and my hands trembled) - then the feeling of joy, awe, expectation because of my hero... , yea and hope that he likes the necklace, and maybe even me a little.
He said that he noticed his initials on the necklace...
And me? Nothing!!
N O T H I N G ! ! !
But this was my chance, if you understand.
My chance to engage him in conversation.
I scrolled back the conversation about 20 times... or more.
THIS WAS MY CHANCE!! DAMN!!!!!
Gosh, I am sooooo stupid!!!
Yep, we say, "wasted, wasted said the cock" ... looool - hmmm not funny.
Do not get me wrong, I did not want to blame my friend for the fact that I have screwed up the conversation with my hero. I was not focused....
However, recently my dear friend confessed me that he loves me deeply...
This makes the situation even more crazier, my dear friend wants me, but I feel attracted to someone else who does not want me. Great!
The result of all that is I feel after about two stressy month tired, dissatisfied with myself and my work (or what remained to me) and my mind seems to be empty.
While I inspire my friend he takes all my inspiration...
Well, and to top this all my absolutly best friend said to me "do not waste another year..." (meant with my hero). So to speak her good wishes for my year 2012.
Waste? Thank you very much!
That hurts me a lot .... Even if he gives me no chance, I have never wasted time - not one second.
This made me very upset (still) and for about three days I have only spoken to her the bare minimum.
The only thing left to say "New year - new luck"!
But stop... is meant a new chance for the non acquired in the old year or new luck with something new?
Most likely both.
Ok enough - I shut my mouth...
Shortly after my last attempt to tell my hero about my desires, a search for a shop has brought a wonderful man into my life. He is not only a great builder and I have learned a lot from him, but also an excellent entertainer and listener. A man with heart and mind and he has become in a short time one of my best friends. Moreover, through its constant presence, he has managed to forget my hero at times, but he also stopped me from any work that all my projects are stalled.
I have realized it just before Christmas, because on my plan was in the first place a Christmas present for my hero. This was especially important to me because I got the idea of a necklace long time ago and wanted to realize this idea necessarily. And secondly, Christmas presents for the members of my both groups.
But my new friend let me not a minute. It was incredible. Even my request to let me do my job made no big impression on him. Unfortunately it was at this point already too late to say clear that I feel disturbed by him.
I tried to cope with the situation confidently without appearing rude. I encouraged him to deal with all sorts of stuff - lol - build this - build that you know. I even set up a shop for him ... but as said, he is a good builder and all tasks were completed quickly. So I really created in a general state of stress and under high pressure the Christmas gifts in the last minute.
The high light was the handing of the Christmas present to my hero.
The thought of it makes the anger rising in me again. In one chat window my hero, my friend in the other...asked me where I am, what I do and no matter what I do he wants a taxi. I said NO - NOT NOW, but he dont stopped asking like a crazy chick "Tp me..., are you angry with me? Where are you?...".
In addition, I was so much excited (my heartbeat was racing with 180 beats per minute and my hands trembled) - then the feeling of joy, awe, expectation because of my hero... , yea and hope that he likes the necklace, and maybe even me a little.
He said that he noticed his initials on the necklace...
And me? Nothing!!
N O T H I N G ! ! !
But this was my chance, if you understand.
My chance to engage him in conversation.
I scrolled back the conversation about 20 times... or more.
THIS WAS MY CHANCE!! DAMN!!!!!
Gosh, I am sooooo stupid!!!
Yep, we say, "wasted, wasted said the cock" ... looool - hmmm not funny.
Do not get me wrong, I did not want to blame my friend for the fact that I have screwed up the conversation with my hero. I was not focused....
However, recently my dear friend confessed me that he loves me deeply...
This makes the situation even more crazier, my dear friend wants me, but I feel attracted to someone else who does not want me. Great!
The result of all that is I feel after about two stressy month tired, dissatisfied with myself and my work (or what remained to me) and my mind seems to be empty.
While I inspire my friend he takes all my inspiration...
Well, and to top this all my absolutly best friend said to me "do not waste another year..." (meant with my hero). So to speak her good wishes for my year 2012.
Waste? Thank you very much!
That hurts me a lot .... Even if he gives me no chance, I have never wasted time - not one second.
This made me very upset (still) and for about three days I have only spoken to her the bare minimum.
The only thing left to say "New year - new luck"!
But stop... is meant a new chance for the non acquired in the old year or new luck with something new?
Most likely both.
Ok enough - I shut my mouth...
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Again
I wonder if I have nothing better to do than regularly pick up me a slap from him?
Yes I can not help myself... I asked him again - that was a week ago yesterday.
It seemed an opportune time to be (hmmm for me).
I was hopeful to get the chance to make him happy but as expected, the answer was no again :-(
He said at this point in his life, he is better off alone.
That he is busy with all kinds of things, and he do not have time for someone in his life.
But even more that he would not deserve my care and devotion.
Really I wanted to hit my head on the keyboard...
For me he represents safety, strongness.... things that I admire.
Hmmm methinks that he is maybe afrait being hurt...
However I thought I can deal with his no easier because of the numbers of requests - I am already prepared.
But I was wrong, the short conversation with him fills me on one hand with happiness but on other hand it makes me more thoughtful.
Luckily, I have finally found my passion to the right time... at least as far for my creativity.
So since one week I am pritty busy with building on new products for a second business in SL what gives me no time to think.
But at least I could not help it to give him a Halloween gift.
Just to delight his heart a little and to put a little smile on his face.
The fact to know that he have smiled about the gift makes me feel happy.
Yes I can not help myself... I asked him again - that was a week ago yesterday.
It seemed an opportune time to be (hmmm for me).
I was hopeful to get the chance to make him happy but as expected, the answer was no again :-(
He said at this point in his life, he is better off alone.
That he is busy with all kinds of things, and he do not have time for someone in his life.
But even more that he would not deserve my care and devotion.
Really I wanted to hit my head on the keyboard...
For me he represents safety, strongness.... things that I admire.
Hmmm methinks that he is maybe afrait being hurt...
However I thought I can deal with his no easier because of the numbers of requests - I am already prepared.
But I was wrong, the short conversation with him fills me on one hand with happiness but on other hand it makes me more thoughtful.
Luckily, I have finally found my passion to the right time... at least as far for my creativity.
So since one week I am pritty busy with building on new products for a second business in SL what gives me no time to think.
But at least I could not help it to give him a Halloween gift.
Just to delight his heart a little and to put a little smile on his face.
The fact to know that he have smiled about the gift makes me feel happy.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Oh man
I can not believe it but my last post is really 3 months ago...!
So for all those who are interested in what I have done, here a short rewiew of the last 3 months...
Well two days after my second attemp "my hero" changed his profile again and took back the "Personal" tab. With this he finally killed all my dreams. Sure that can have many other reasons but I guess the real reason is what he already said to me.
I take it proud and who knows maybe sometime - bla bla bla - I will ask him again.
I am an optimistic person... lol.
However, after some strange encounters someone has found me. He suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of me while I relaxed in the "Woods of Primal Nature".
An impressive personality full of power. And he has not only a pritty beautiful avatar, but also a good heart.
My heart he owned from the first moments he talked with me and I spent every free minute with him only for listening to him.
It seemed as he was the missing part of me and that he can see into my heart.
Well, what can I say ... everything was perfect with him and after about 2 months I married him in SL (btw. my first marrige in SL). But from the day we are married he totaly changed his mind and he was no longer the man I have met. No day went by with no drama. I am really very understanding of everything but what he presented me was too much even for me. I dont want to list at this point all what happened... for you it is enough to know that the many dramas and events have forced me to cancel the marriage.
However, I am a free man again and happy.
I let my creativity run wild again... trying new things what my business revived. I also rented a shop inworld and finailly created a group for all people who are interested in my products.
I look forwards with my little SL business and the group...
I look forwards with new friends I had found and
hmmm I look forwards with "my hero"...
Yep, I have my eyes on him - bad old habit - lol.
Oh man...
So for all those who are interested in what I have done, here a short rewiew of the last 3 months...
Well two days after my second attemp "my hero" changed his profile again and took back the "Personal" tab. With this he finally killed all my dreams. Sure that can have many other reasons but I guess the real reason is what he already said to me.
I take it proud and who knows maybe sometime - bla bla bla - I will ask him again.
I am an optimistic person... lol.
However, after some strange encounters someone has found me. He suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of me while I relaxed in the "Woods of Primal Nature".
An impressive personality full of power. And he has not only a pritty beautiful avatar, but also a good heart.
My heart he owned from the first moments he talked with me and I spent every free minute with him only for listening to him.
It seemed as he was the missing part of me and that he can see into my heart.
Well, what can I say ... everything was perfect with him and after about 2 months I married him in SL (btw. my first marrige in SL). But from the day we are married he totaly changed his mind and he was no longer the man I have met. No day went by with no drama. I am really very understanding of everything but what he presented me was too much even for me. I dont want to list at this point all what happened... for you it is enough to know that the many dramas and events have forced me to cancel the marriage.
However, I am a free man again and happy.
I let my creativity run wild again... trying new things what my business revived. I also rented a shop inworld and finailly created a group for all people who are interested in my products.
I look forwards with my little SL business and the group...
I look forwards with new friends I had found and
hmmm I look forwards with "my hero"...
Yep, I have my eyes on him - bad old habit - lol.
Oh man...
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